Jesus experienced anguish, distress, soul-crushing grief. He knew what it was to wish something would pass. He knew betrayal by someone close to him ~ part of his inner circle of chosen friends. He knew false accusations and criticism by religious leaders. He knew desertion by those who swore they would never leave or deny him.
It’s okay to wrestle with confusing feelings and unanswered questions. It’s okay to explore the layers of shoulds and musts that have crusted over the heart and crushed the soul. Jesus knows feelings. He made feelings. He suffered feelings.
He knows our frame. He walked our path to completion. He is a God of redemption, even when we struggle to believe Him.
What’s going on inside? Nervousness as I sense the winds of change blowing around me. I have a feeling of impending loss, as we face the departure of friends. Happy for them, yet sad for what is about to be different and what will stay the same.
Unmotivation invades my every cell. I can’t seem to pep talk myself to do what I must. Trust evades me. Rest mocks me. Dreams tease that I still have to awaken.
Curiosity nudges my heart, while steadfastness reminds me to stay on the course charted for me. We are all on different paths that occasionally intersect and join together for a time before parting ways. The parting, whether temporary or permanent, is sad.
I am sad.
Impatience bites at my heels, causing me to feel snappish with those around me. I long for peace and kindness.
Better than anger, pain escapes my heart, squeezing through my eyes. This must be done. My life lived.
I want to be okay with me and all that is wrapped up in being this person that God has made. It’s okay not to be someone else!
He has been faithful. He is faithful. He will continue to be faithful.