Close to the edge,
I could almost slip off.
My head looks around.
My heart cringes.
I am supposed to rest in the chaos;
Find a place of calm apart from externals.
And all I feel is tension.
And all I hear, condemnation.
I am trying.
God, I am trying to do the job before me
In true thankfulness
As the gift that it is.
There’s freedom to work through my days,
To care for my own family and others.
Why is it so hard to feel happy and restful?
To tap into the joy they say comes from within?
Within me are knots
and endless lists
of chores and projects and unmet needs.
Instead of gratefulness for being granted another day of life
~ a full life ~
a life to be lived.
And living life means quit dreading it.
The cry of my heart is for change in my heart and for grace to continue this journey with hope.