Having been raised on the KJV and subsequently NKJV versions of the Bible, there are often Old English-type Bible phrases running through my head. Lately, it’s been Philippians 3:19 . . .
whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.
Only, in my head it is modified to whose god is their AGENDA, because that is where I am these days. As I ponder what causes the greatest aggravation, annoyance, and anger, it’s when my plan, schedule, or agenda is thwarted.
This basically begins first thing in the morning and continues throughout the day.
That’s my planner in the picture above. It’s the place where I hand-write lists and schedules and events and goals. It’s where I look for order and feelings of accomplishment. If I’m honest, it’s where I look for affirmation that, yes, I am a valuable person because of all I do.
Whoa to those who stand in the way of my agenda.
I need to exercise, write, read, blog, surf the internet, shower, organize, read my Bible, clean, plan, shop, get things done. On spring break I need to sleep in!
Even now there is a child trolling outside of my open door asking about HIS agenda for the day. Can’t he see I am working MINE?!
I am painfully aware of this tendency to brush others aside for my greater good. I hate it. I love it. It is an internal struggle every day.
So what? Who cares? Why does it even matter?
It matters because I am not defined by what I do, complete, accomplish. It matters because there are people in my life who need time, energy, attention. It matters because choosing to put down the laptop or book or laundry and pick up the conversation is a greater investment in the long run.
Yes, there is a place for Boundaries and time to myself, but when my heart fills with anger over a plan thwarted or a spring break not looking like what I thought it would be, then it’s time to re-evaluate what I am worshiping.