Water and Manna

Yesterday I woke with overwhelm and anxiety. Some of it stemmed from the eight kid factor, a common theme in my story. Other was from an over-responsible, irrational carrying of the weight of the world, not mine to bear.

Naming the feelings to the one lying next to me and releasing what was not mine to carry back to the one who holds the world in his hands helped. I still felt grief. Sometimes there is just sadness over all that is broken, and I weep.

Reading Exodus 16 and 17 brought me to water from a rock and manna from heaven. God’s people were being led the long way through the wilderness to prepare them to enter the promised land. This journey brought supernatural provision.

I was reminded of daily sustenance provided to me, physically, spiritually, emotionally as I walk with others (any myself) the long way through the wilderness. I felt gratitude and confidence to move forward in the day.

That feeling lasted all of an hour, before reality struck in the form of unexpected bills and adult responsibilities. Things that I am responsible for.

Fear rose in my core and erupted in the form of anger. I lashed out in frustration over all that feels too muchyet continues. Gratitude fell away replaced by entitlement and expectation. Confidence gave way to doubt and insecurity.

It felt unfair to be losing my grounding, even as others depended on me for theirs. I had an appointment to keep, a visit to make, kids to pick up from school, volunteer responsibilities, more work to do.

I did the next thing, because someone needed me to. This found me in a waiting room without any of my usual comforts. I had my art journal in a tote bag but no books to read or markers to draw with or writing instruments to use.

Nearby was a basket of books. I pulled out Morning and Evening by Charles H. Spurgeon and out of curiosity opened to February 4, morning. Would God meet me here? In stunned silence I read this.

On a coffee table covered with magazines was a coloring book and package of Crayola Twistable crayons. Picking up the crayons I took out my art journal and began drawing water from a rock and manna from heaven. I focused on this quote,

He has opened the rock to supply thee, and fed thee with manna that came down from heaven.

It was such grace to be reminded of daily provision, to feel seen, and to create. I felt a settling in my soul and a rest in my spirit.

Water and manna.

2 thoughts on “Water and Manna

  1. Barbara

    Isn’t it just the coolest thing when God shows up like, “Ta Da!” ???

    Recently, I was feeling sad on my birthday because I was missing my dad who’d passed away a few years ago now. My dad always called me first thing in the morning on my birthday – and sometimes when I’d pick up the phone he’d even sing happy birthday to me. I was telling my husband how much I missed my dad and how it made me feel special when he’d call me first thing in the morning and sometimes sing Happy Birthday to me. When I finished telling my husband this, the phone rang and it was a number I didn’t recognize. I picked it up anyway. It was a robo-call from a pharmacy I’ve used in the past – a compounding pharmacy. The message was from the owner telling me he’d like “to be one of the first ones” to wish me a happy birthday and then…..he began singing Happy Birthday!! It was a robocall, but it felt personal to me like God wanted to give me this special birthday wish and song. It wasn’t my dad singing to me, but it was still VERY special. God is in the details of our lives. I will be remembering this birthday for a long long time.

    Thanks for reminding us, Julie – God sees us and provides for us in so many ways!!!

    Reply
    1. Julie Post author

      That was totally God seeing you in so many ways. From your husband bearing witness to your sadness and longing to you actually picking up an unknown number (when do we do that?) to it being a birthday wish AND song?!!! Such kindness and love. Thank you for sharing this and happy belated birthday. I am so thankful for your life, Dear One.

      Reply

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.

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