The Secrets We Carry, the Shame that We Bear

Maybe I’m the only one, but I don’t think that I am.

Random triggers fire, hijacking me to places I though were left behind in the dust. I thought I had faced them, conquered, and won.

Who dares accuse us?
Who then will condemn us?
What will separate us from Christ’s love?

I read and journal and ask.

Pursue joy.
Wrestle for your blessing.
Open your heart to wonder and beauty.
You are forgiven and you are free.

My heart is filled with bitter sorrow and unending grief for my people.

Should the thing who was created say to the one who created, Why have you made me thus?

WHY?

All I can do is sit here
And all I can do is wait
And all I can think about is the undone
And how I will try to relate.

And my focus is not in the present
It is racing around in the past
While the future stretches ahead of me long
Yet comes barreling down on me fast.

It’s a tough time. I don’t think that I’m alone. But if I am, that’s ok, too. Because I’m not really alone.

It’s amazing what we carry. What lies buried dormant, just waiting to emerge. To pounce when it’s least expected. To unleash on those who care for us the most.

Secrets and shame.

I have spent time with trusted friends, ones who love me, sharing my secrets. Naming my shame.

I have sat with others, those I love, listening to their secrets. Helping them name their shame.

One would think we could arrive at the place where we’ve got that thing taken care of, and it’s not going to surface again.

That’s not how it works, though.

We are all profoundly wounded souls.

None of us has escaped, will escape, the effects of the fall. It’s all painfully surrounding us. Every day. And it’s easy to see how we are wounded. How we have been wounded by others. It’s easy to carry that and allow it to name us. To keep us small.

We are all profoundly wounding souls.

Harder to see is how we wound others. That, too, painfully surrounds us. Every day. Sometimes intentionally, often not, it’s easy to lash out and name others. To keep them small.

It’s a struggle, I tell ya!

Keep struggling.

You struggling to stay married.
You struggling to stay sane.
You struggling with loss.
You struggling with shame.

You are not alone.

Prayers go up for all who are hurting.
Prayers go up for me, today.

2 thoughts on “The Secrets We Carry, the Shame that We Bear

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.