These are my thoughts and feelings, once again, as another birdie prepares to leave the nest. Originally written when child 2 was leaving, now it applies to #4. Halfway there!
I cannot control everything in my life.
Especially the people.
And I can’t have them back as little.
And I am still overwhelmed by little.
And when little comes close to me, I tense and back away.
But I’ve missed little.
It quietly grew.
Year by year
Season by season
And I really tried, but I was tired.
And could only manage.
And I want to ~need to~ release expectations and demands placed on me by myself.
I have to launch little birdies
And life is happening in the foreground
While the background is
70’s furniture~ mismatched to boot
and dirty dishes
and bookshelf building
and kitchen remodels
and preparing for this
getting ready for that
and messy rooms
And conversations happen
while piles remain
and projects wane.
Why am I so disheartened?
And hurting inside?
And I have the life of my kids
But I’m grieving the passing of time, and I can’t make one son shove the other one’s shoes on his feet.