I am grateful for the perspective of my children. I am learning to ask, trust, and believe rather than to assume. Mothering and homemaking are struggles for me. There. I said it. For years I thought there was a Cozy Home Formula, and the thing is, I could probably do a web search and link to a pile of them. I could probably buy e-books and read blogs and pins about how it is done.
No matter what I tried…schedules, cleaning systems, organization methods, sit-down family dinners, beautiful music playing, reading my Bible, family devotions, aromas (the good kind) and so on….something was missing, and that something was in my heart. I cried out to God about it for YEARS, asking for a change. I couldn’t feel and couldn’t trust, struggled to mother well, and I had 8 kids!
The following heart cry was my normal. Not feeling but trusting. Hopeful, expectant waiting, but no answer, yet. Hurting inside, yet functioning. Starting over each day with new mercies.
Today is new.
hope and the
chance to start over again.
Loving those in my path
on my soul
to my eyes.
Choosing a countenance
of love before you.
But genuine hopefulness
That one day the practice
will become the real deal.
That you’ll touch me and open my heart.
(from my journal sometime in ’09)
I am grateful for a God who heard my cries, and though the timing wasn’t mine, it was His. And my heart was touched, and my feelings were stirred, and I was set on a new path of healing and hope.