The Flip Side of the Coziest Home

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I am grateful for the perspective of my children. I am learning to ask, trust, and believe rather than to assume. Mothering and homemaking are struggles for me. There. I said it. For years I thought there was a Cozy Home Formula, and the thing is, I could probably do a web search and link to a pile of them. I could probably buy e-books and read blogs and pins about how it is done.

I tried.

No matter what I tried…schedules, cleaning systems, organization methods, sit-down family dinners, beautiful music playing, reading my Bible, family devotions, aromas (the good kind) and so on….something was missing, and that something was in my heart. I cried out to God about it for YEARS, asking for a change. I couldn’t feel and couldn’t trust, struggled to mother well, and I had 8 kids!

The following heart cry was my normal. Not feeling but trusting. Hopeful, expectant waiting, but no answer, yet. Hurting inside, yet functioning. Starting over each day with new mercies.

Today is new.

Full of

mercy and

hope and the

chance to start over again.

Loving those in my path

When it’s

hard

on my soul

and

uncomfortable

to my eyes.

Choosing a countenance

of love before you.

Not fake,

But genuine hopefulness

That one day the practice

will become the real deal.

That you’ll touch me and open my heart.

(from my journal sometime in ’09)

I am grateful for a God who heard my cries, and though the timing wasn’t mine, it was His. And my heart was touched, and my feelings were stirred, and I was set on a new path of healing and hope.

5 thoughts on “The Flip Side of the Coziest Home

  1. Stephanie

    I just wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying your blog. My sister sent me here and I’m glad she did. I have been blessed by your writing and I particularly enjoyed this post. Funny thing is, I write a blog about making a cozy home. 🙂 I ask God all the time to help my heart.

    Reply
    1. mommypancis Post author

      Welcome! I will definitely be paying you a visit in blogland to find all about YOUR cozy home. Mine can get crazy. Thanks for reading and for taking time to comment.

      Reply
  2. Pingback: Mealtime Grace | Composting the Heart

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.