Surprised by Tears on a Sunday

My tears are here

on the edge of longing to fall

and I fear feeling them

for if I do it means

facing honestly

the hurt

and pain

and fear

spilling over in my heart

escaping through my eyes.

It is a season of tears. The price of choosing to come alive and feel.

I received a surprise heart shower on Sunday, a heartburst. It came on that suddenly during worship.

Passover Us by Andrew Peterson was sung before the sermon, to pave the way for preaching on the Last Supper from Mark 14:12-26.

As soon as the music began, tears sprang up from somewhere deep inside of me, completely unexpected. The last time I sang this song was during the Exodus series taught 4 years ago by my friend and former pastor, who has since moved on to another far-away call.

In those moments during the music on Sunday, though, I could picture him standing in the back of the room, next to the sound box, eyes closed, waiting to walk up front to preach. I could picture his wife, my dear friend, with 3 little ones sitting somewhere in the congregation.

In those moments, my heart felt the weight of four years passing by and all of the joy and sorrow and laughter and pain contained therein.

The tears wouldn’t stop falling.

Music is powerful like that.

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.