Return

Be strong and courageous!
Do not be afraid or discouraged . . .
We have the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles for us.
2 Chronicles 32:7,8

These verses encouraged me onward as my word for 2015 came into focus. I did not want this to be the word for me. In fact, just last night I told Steve that I wanted to change it to butterflies or rainbows or pray.

Not return.

I’ve had years of healing and hope. There has been a year to embrace. There were a lot of dry, desert years that I look back on with amazement that I continued to keep going and am still here to tell about it.

This year it is time to return to those places in my story, continuing to more fully understand where I have been, where I am, where I am going.

Let each generation tell its children your mighty acts.
Let them proclaim your power.
Psalm 145:4

I began counseling in the spring of ’07 and intentional story work in 2011. I turned 40 that year, and the change in me from January to December was vast. I credit that to my Journey work and the groundwork laid by people who loved me and events that shaped me that year.

That was the year I went to China, took a birthday cruise with my sisters, traveled to Texas to celebrate one of Steve’s friends, met Cynthia, attended the Journey for the first time, and began to view my story through a new lens.

All that I had been crying out to God about for so many years began to be more completely and fully answered.

Of course, I believe that God has been with me every step of my journey; there is no other explanation for why I continued to keep trying, but 2011 was the first year that I noticed a significant change in me from the beginning of the year to the end.

No longer was it my body, great with child, preparing to birth another person, but it was my heart, great with feeling, ready to birth my story.

No longer did the first page of my new journal cry out for something, ANYTHING, from God in the new year, only to remain stuck in the sameness.

No longer did my pen go silent, leaving gaping holes in the story I was so desperately trying to find.

Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness.
Psalm 145:7

It’s my turn to share what has felt neither wonderful nor good but has brought me to a place of wonder at the goodness of God.

To do that, I must re-turn.

return: to come or go back to a place or person

There are places and people in my story to go back to. I need to revisit and rename them with integrity and kindness.

return: to turn one’s attention back to something

There are scenes in my story that are asking me to pay attention. It’s time to look at them more closely and to learn what they are trying to teach me.

return: give, put, or send (something) back to a place or person

There are memories swirling around that need to be held, understood, and sent back to their proper place in my story.

return: the action of giving, sending, or putting something back

Here is the practical piece where I involve the family. This house needs to work on putting things back where they belong. We need to return objects to their proper location, and if there is no proper location, we need to find one!

It’s not a glamorous word. It may not make sense to anyone else, and that’s okay. Does this word scare me? Absolutely! But it’s time. In case I was still on the fence about it, Monday’s reading confirmed what I knew deep down.

I am the Lord, and I do not change . . . now return to me,
and I will return to you.
Malachi 3:6,7

How kind of God to affirm my choice in that way!

As I look ahead at what it means to return this year, I hope to do the following:

Remember
Engage
Think
Understand
Restore
Name

Did I just sneak six more words under the radar?

What about you, Friends? Where do sense God leading you or returning you to? Take courage!

You are not alone!

16 thoughts on “Return

  1. Angela

    Your disruptor will be here to ask questions and to listen. 😉 I will be spending plenty of time returning to some places this year too. My obvious word for the year is simply “feel.”

    Reply
    1. Connie

      My Dear Friend as you “return” each step you will grow into the Women In God that He sees already in you.
      I know because step by step He had me return. Each step had a season each time I grew more. Am I finished NO not until I go HOME.

      Reply
      1. mommypancis Post author

        Thank you for sharing the story of your seasons and how God is growing and has grown you through them. I love the woman God is growing you into and hope to be as gracious and understanding and FUN. Hugs!

        Reply
    2. Julie McClay

      Thank you for this encouragement. You do not know how much it means, as I am feeling a bit like taking it all back now that it is day 2. I can do all things through him. Thank you for being with me on the journey and for being a part of my story.

      Reply
  2. aaron

    So well written. I totally get it. I would love to be a part of your “returning” in any way I can – conversing together, me watching kids to give you space/time to write, think, pray… any other practical help. Please reach out and ask for these things. Love you, Friend. I am glad I have you:)

    Reply
    1. mommypancis Post author

      I SO appreciate how you get it. I will reach out when I figure out what it is I am reaching for. I, too, am glad for you. So glad. You hold my heart well.

      Reply
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Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.