Push me, Sugar!

I have been sifting through The Compost Pile, my personal blog. It was started a month before Composting the Heart back in 2013 and was private. It was a kind place, growing in me the courage to write and find my voice.

The other night a friend posted a facebook question asking if you do or don’t clean before a babysitter comes over. I included a lengthy response with my no vote, which brought to mind this post on date night, in general, with a nod to the messy house thing tossed in.

Can you find it?

Date night again! Shattered nerves? Knotted stomach? What is this? Anticipation? Sort of. The kind of which well-orchestrated plans are made.

There are so many steps to think through . . . securing a sitter, keeping track of where everyone will be, leaving an understandable plan, having someone else in our home. Deep into our home. In the bowels of the mess. I struggle to let that one go.

Always the transition from here to gone threatens to derail me. I am learning to let go, but it is a process, and once in the car, an entirely new inner conflict ensues.

What do we do? How do I relax, enjoy, and have fun without focusing on tasks and to-dos? How are we real with each other?

I learned early on that throwing a pile of money at a nice restaurant or movie and calling it a date didn’t ensure fun and connection. Many evenings ended in disillusionment and disappointment. I spent money for THIS? We could have stayed home and fought for FREE!

And date night seasons . . . sometimes we could afford to pay a sitter and go out of the house for time alone. Others were spent at home watching a movie or sitting on the porch together after kids were in bed. Always with a bottle of wine or a martini. Often with popcorn.1006112203aSo LAST NIGHT was a pleasant surprise when our dance-class-with-friends date came together. Awesome sitter, unexpected dinner alone with Steve beforehand (with happy-hour priced beer for him and wine for me), followed by a fun dance lesson. Redemptive success!

How so?

Upon entering the studio, I realized the last time we attempted to take a dance class, one of our babies (let’s assume it was Mae but might have been Roo) was a newborn in a bucket. And even though it was infant 7 or 8, I was STILL delusional enough to think she would stay sleeping through the class and NOT want to get out just as I was beginning to relax and have fun dancing.

Yes, we had to leave, and yes, I was convinced that I would NEVER be able to just relax and have fun and enjoy a dance class EVER AGAIN. There may have been angry tears.

Last night I smiled and laughed and danced and grimaced and followed (somewhat) and sugarpushed and spun and enjoyed being out with the love of my life.


4 thoughts on “Push me, Sugar!

  1. crackerjackca

    nothing like west coast swing!
    so glad the impromptu date worked out- those are the best kind!

  2. bsebabe

    Love it! I only have one child, and ask those same questions about going out on a date! We’ve been on one since Kale was born…the other time we got a sitter to go to a friend’s kid-free bowling birthday party Kale cried the entire.time! And I so laughed out loud at your thinking the baby would sleep through the class! But Kale has never slept through anything in his car seat since day one so that might be why. : )


Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.

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