I don’t know when I will move beyond the idea that I will be able to get things in my life under control.
Housework, home organization, kids, body, laundry, schedule, flowerbeds, relationships, everything is too big and out of control.
I feel small.
For me, it needs to be this way, to show me that I can’t do it alone. If I could embrace the chaos, and learn to move through it as part of my unique journey, I’m sure it would help my perspective.
I am still learning.
It’s a continual struggle to rest in the mess of the now. To focus on what really matters. To trust that Jesus loves me and has my back and isn’t laughing at me for thinking this was a good idea when I was young and clueless.
Last night, falling into bed way too late after a long day on the heels of a long week with way too much in my mind and on my heart, I felt His presence.
I don’t usually feel things, but this time I did.
I felt love and care and safety to fall asleep in the arms of Jesus, casting my cares on Him, and for a moment I believed that I could cast my cares on Him, because He cares for me.
And it was sweet.