How?

There’s too much in my head. Too much in my heart. This isn’t a first, and it IS a theme.

Too much.

How do you go back when you can’t? How do you go on when it’s hard?

I can’t go back to before my friend was diagnosed with cancer. To before my daughter changed her name. To before my friend’s family discovered that their house was too contaminated with black mold to salvage anything from it.

They can’t go back.

What do you do with that?

How do I go through my days carrying my own heavy load when my friend is being crushed by the weight of much grief?

I can’t do it all. I can’t carry it all.

I am not Jesus.

Surely he has borne our sorrows and carried our griefs.

We are bearing sorrow. Carrying grief.

He knows.

Thinking back to a week ago when I was having my MOBzilla moment, I also remember the beautiful ceremony before, and my eyes fill with tears.

How is a mother to keep a dry eye while being escorted by her son to the front of a church to the music of “In Christ Alone” where she is to then walk up on stage and light a candle representing her girl?

How does she sit through her “baby” sister and son’s rendition of “How He Loves” as the unity candle is being lit?

I hope I get to post a video of them singing, sometime. It was breathtaking!

There are no easy answers to the hard questions. Some things we will never know this side of eternity. Sometimes all we can do is to keep going forward, or at least to allow others to keep pointing us that way. We truly have no time to maintain these regrets.

Blessings, Friends! He really does love us.

4 thoughts on “How?

  1. Deb

    “How He loves”… I have been thinking that all day, and feeling very loved in big and small ways throughout transition / move time. Praying often for those friends too. Would love to hear the wedding version by those 2!

    Reply

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.