He Knows

Jesus experienced anguish, distress, soul-crushing grief. He knew what it was to wish something would pass.  He knew betrayal by someone close to him ~ part of his inner circle of chosen friends. He knew false accusations and criticism by religious leaders. He knew desertion by those who swore they would never leave or deny him.

It’s okay to wrestle with confusing feelings and unanswered questions. It’s okay to explore the layers of shoulds and musts that have crusted over the heart and crushed the soul. Jesus knows feelings. He made feelings. He suffered feelings.

He knows our frame. He walked our path to completion. He is a God of redemption, even when we struggle to believe Him.

from 2011…

What’s going on inside? Nervousness as I sense the winds of change blowing around me. I have a feeling of impending loss, as we face the departure of friends. Happy for them, yet sad for what is about to be different and what will stay the same.

Unmotivation invades my every cell. I can’t seem to pep talk myself to do what I must. Trust evades me. Rest mocks me. Dreams tease that I still have to awaken.

Curiosity nudges my heart, while steadfastness reminds me to stay on the course charted for me. We are all on different paths that occasionally intersect and join together for a time before parting ways. The parting, whether temporary or permanent, is sad.

I am sad.

Impatience bites at my heels, causing me to feel snappish with those around me. I long for peace and kindness.

Tears fall.

Better than anger, pain escapes my heart, squeezing through my eyes. This must be done. My life lived.

Wake up!

I want to be okay with me and all that is wrapped up in being this person that God has made. It’s okay not to be someone else!

He has been faithful. He is faithful. He will continue to be faithful.

5 thoughts on “He Knows

  1. nickkozel

    Julie, your words express so perfectly the reality of what others feel concerning Dave’s latest report but, like me, are unable to put it to paper. Thank you so very much for continuing to faithfully turn and aerated the compost. It is healing in more ways then you may have initially thought,

    Reply
  2. Beth

    What a good reminder for life! End result: God is/has been/will be faithful! My heart appreciates this blog post!!! ❤ Thank you

    Reply
    1. mommypancis Post author

      Thank you for reading and commenting with your words of encouragement, Beth. Even though I am late to respond, I want you to know how appreciated you are.

      Reply
  3. Pingback: How? | Composting the Heart

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.