I planted the seeds, believing the words that in due season I would reap if I fainted not.
And I fainted often and struggled to go on and kept planting.
Those early mothering years were all about solutions from books and formulas and word of mouth and measuring up.
And more planting.
I wanted to hear well done my faithful servant not depart from me, I never knew you and in order to do that, I needed to work hard. It’s what I had been taught.
By their fruits ye shall know them.
And kept planting. Year after year, child after child, relationship after relationship.
And times were dry. So dry.
It had to look good. My life. Good fruit. So I stapled it on.
Above reproach so as not to blaspheme Christ.
I tried to keep up and keep going, but I couldn’t, and when that day came I fell hard into the arms of grace where it was whispered to me enough.
My yoke is easy; my burden is light.
Not just for everyone else. For me, too.
Then it happened.
I took up the easy yoke and light burden and a gentle, healing rain began to fall on hard, packed soil. Those planted seeds, lying dormant for years, began to sprout and spring up and push out of the ground and grow into something.
Real fruit. Harvest.
The rain began to fall at a Michael Card concert over 10 years ago. He had a guest, Andrew Peterson, who sang this song…
It spoke directly to the place where I was in my heart.
I Invite you to take time and space to listen and to check in with your own heart. Wherever it is, in sorrow or joy, know that you are not alone.
Because we all get lost sometimes.