The days are long.
I am learning my danger zone times, a new level of self-awareness. Anything involving getting out the door by 7:15 with the 4 littles to drop teen boy off at his school while on the way to ours…danger zone.
I told the littles I would come back for them. This at least gave me a chance at having a soft answer to turn away the wrath that bubbles up and spills out while listening to early morning car ride conflict. Their dad was home with them, so I wasn’t being irresponsible.
Anything involving getting home in the evening and feeding people…danger zone.
Today was grace that I didn’t have an extra pick up after a drop off after school. It was also a grace that the internet was down, so I got right to cooking rather than being tempted to blog and check email first. Real quick-like, of course.
A soft answer…I am working on it.
There is a difference between a soft answer and emotional detachment. I am practicing the former on the heels of years of perfecting the latter. It’s not easy remaining present in the midst of conflict, and tonight’s bout with the kids felt especially ruthless.
I will just light these candles and bask in their soft glow for a minute as I try to calm down and remember that this, too, shall pass. Please nobody talk to me right now. I am too upset.
It worked this time. I didn’t flip out. We weathered the storm and played Bananagrams later and even laughed a little. I was only slightly tense. I used feeling words.
Tonight I’m thankful that there was softness even in hard discussions. And now I am ready for the softness of a bed calling me to rest up to re-engage in the morning.