We are all disillusioned ones, looking around, idealizing others, certain that their lives are charmed. Well, maybe not that person over there who is obviously homeless or physically broken, but that one with the bright smile walking arm in arm with a spouse? Charmed.
Is this why we are shocked when a marriage dissolves? It happened to them, and their life was so right! The struggle to understand hows and whys bears down.
How can this be? Such a great couple! And really neat kids. Or pets. Are they affected? Because they seem fine! Look at their Facebook pages. Everyone’s smiling.
Introspection begins as we feel our own pain. Walking through physical and emotional places we never imagined, we realize we don’t have it easier. In some ways it’s more complicated figuring out what is wrong and working it out…whatever it is today.
We remain at a loss for words. Every. Time. How many friends have dreamily pledged I do and lived to regret that promise?
Each story is different. This is not a place to sit in judgment. It is a place to process through feelings of confusion and hurt and sorrow.
It is confusing to have people think that you are the exception. That you don’t get fed up or overwhelmed. That you haven’t felt hurt or betrayed. That being high school sweethearts and having so many kids makes you even more exceptional and special and immune to marital pain. All lies.
It hurts to see those you love dissolve a marriage after 5, 8, 10, 12, 15, 20+ years. For whatever reason. Even if you haven’t seen each other for years. Even if your paths crossed briefly for a season.
Sorrow sets in as you realize the history you shared and all that you didn’t know. Below the surface, sharks swim, just waiting for that first drop of blood.
None of this makes sense. Fighting for each day, sometimes each minute, watching life slip away, dreams shatter, chaos reign. Choosing to stay and stand your ground. Living in the committed craziness when all that you want to do is leave it behind in the dust.
It’s all grace and all a gift. The gift of love and second chances and daily do-overs. Together the disillusioned ones fighting for the future.