Composting the Fart: The Weekly BAAB

Welcome to the all new edition of COMPOSTING THE FART!! You know how people always say ‘people on the internet are not what they seem’? Well Baab sure isn’t someone you would think wrote this Baabish BLOOG (maybe she is….. she is super cringey and baabish on her blog….). How many subscribers does she have? Oh wait, does someone like her even know what a subscriber IS?? Anyways, Composting the Fart will be the weekly compiling of all Baab’s Baabish moments during the week. I hope you enjoy this first edition!! -Riley (Guest Poster and Editor of Composting the Fart)

AHEM. First off. It’s an ordinary day, you come downstairs and you’re getting ready for school, and you’re halfway through breakfast. You’re eating cereal peacefully while others at the table are eating their breakfast, too. Suddenly you hear GALUMPH. GALUMPH. GALUMPH. And BAAAB walks out of the kitchen wearing her BAABISH BATHROBE. Then you hear her saying, “I wish my eyes would wake up.”, and you sit there thinking, Baab….. your eyes have woken up. (0.0)

SECONDD!! It’s Valentines day and you come downstairs and you see some chocolate at your table spot. ‘For you’. And you are happy and you’re walking around until…. SUDDENLY….. You realize the mantle…. IS COVERED IN BAABISH DECOR!! (Notice: I said decor because that sounds like a Baab trying to be hip). There’s flowers (mostly dead), weird animal things you made two years ago with your nestmates (yes, Baab keeps those weird things), and that one weird picture that has nothing to do with Valentines day but Baab pulls it out anyway (That rhymed. I’m studying to be a poet.).

Here is the third BAABISHLY BAAAAB. You’re riding home from Water Works listening to ‘The Greatest Showman’ because it just so happens to be a good musical. You’re favorite song from that comes on (I don’t know what it is called, sadly, but it’s the one where the dude is making a deal with another man at a bar). You’re listening to your favorite song and singing along in your head, when…. SUDDENLY…. BAAB starts snapping her BONY TENDRILS (AKA fingers) to the song! You’re favorite song is now ruined. Maybe you’ll start liking classical music like a BAAB (Yes, if you’re a Baab you’ll have a hankering to listen to your BAABISH BEATS.).

Finally. Best for last, I always say. If this ever happens in your home, somewhere there’s a Baab. It could be you. Anyways, you wake up from your nap and realize you need to rotate the wash so you’ll have some clean clothes for tomorrow. You walk upstairs to the laundry room to do so. You lumber on over to the drier (like a Baab) to open it. The drier doesn’t have a handle, so you either have to painfully pry it open with your fingers, or you have to take forever to use this weird yellow thing to open it. You manage to get the drier open and there….. you see with your very eyes….. one of THE MOST Baabish things in the history of BAAB….. all of Baab’s SWEATERS. “I had to wash them for my trip”, Baab says. “Like I always say (Note: never listen to Baab’s advice) always come prepared!” Maybe Baab should decide not to scare the fashionistas away this time…. Maybe Baab could crochet a new sweater from all the lint that collected in the drier from that load. After I wrote this, I realized…. no WONDER the drier doesn’t have a handle!

Drier: (Sniffle) I will never feel the same way again…..

Anyways, that’s it for this week’s WEEKLY BAAB. Thank you for reading, this is COMPOSTING THE FART!


6 thoughts on “Composting the Fart: The Weekly BAAB

Thanks for heart-composting with me! I appreciate your words.