I am 45 for a few more hours, and this day has been incredibly long, yet I am trying to squeeze out every last second. It is not going as I had hoped or planned which seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Why should it be easy or smooth now?
I had lofty ideas of blogging about the year and what I have learned (a lot) and how I have grown (a lot). I seem to keep this space in my head that holds the illusion that I will arrive at the perfect writing place and sit and write.
It didn’t happen today.
What happened was getting kids off to school on my first day home after an incredible anniversary trip to Seattle which was real even though there is no blog proof. There is a bit of documentation on Facebook and Instagram, and I am confident that I will blog something about it ~ just not yet.
It was my first stay at home mom day in which I wonder how I made it as a working mom these past four years with all of the needs that presented in a few short hours on my first full day home. I dropped a child off early for an all day field trip to Washington, DC, drove another to school, spent the morning with another, picked up a child early after an exam, left to attend an awards ceremony for another, drove in to help my husband clean after school, picked up field trip child late at school.
It was a full day.
I share a birthday with my youngest child and still had not gotten any gifts for her even though I was given a detailed list weeks ago and have been hearing the agenda for our shared birthday for an equally long time.
The plan was to go out after supper, and a daughter graciously agreed to go with me. Without going into detail, we had a disastrous time where nothing went according to plan. As she put it It was like one of those Disney movies where you see in slow motion the impending doom.
So we changed the plan and faked grins at each other to try to trick our brains into being less stressed, and I am pretty confident that we made major memories.
Which brings me to now.
There is a dog to walk and husband to catch up with. There is time passing, and 45 is just about over. 46 is on the horizon, and my body remembers that I also birth things on my birthday.
This past year birthed new insights and understanding as I went through the Lay Counseling Certificate program. I am trusting that this year will bring new growth as I continue to move onward and upward and grateful for life. Right now I feel the fullness of labor pains, but experience tells me relief is coming as new life is pushed from the old.