The sky is dark. The rain is falling. The sun still shines behind the clouds.
Even though I cannot see it, I believe it is there, and that it will return once again, casting the sky in a sapphire blue. And all will seem right. My heart will soar.
But this morning my heart feels dark and tears are falling. Jesus, you are here with me.
Though I can’t see, or even feel you clearly, I believe you. One day I will see and feel your joy and peace.
Today my job is to love; to die to self and embrace the call to serve those in my care rather than to be served.
But confusion sets in when my heart feels full of conflict and fear. I forget to trust the one who has given me life and the means to live and this job to do.
I fight and struggle and kick and scream. Why can’t I love and accept?
You who are truth, would you quiet the lies that flood my mind as I move through this day?
That somehow it would be different if only. You don’t really know what is best. It’s all because of poor choices I’ve made. Any sin problems in my children’s hearts or the hearts of others I love are my fault.
I cling to the cross, where you offer me freedom. And rest in you, though I’m tired and worn.
I will try to move forward with confidence and grace, completing the work you have called me to do.
(from a dark day in 2010; from today)